​We don't make art for the applause. We make art because we MUST—or our soul will starve to death. You know.

And on a deeper level, my ego can't take personal credit for the art that I make. My job is to get out of the way, more than it is to "accomplish" anything.

The act of writing my book about our healing journey with the sacred iboga medicine was a practice of surrender, letting spirit weave the story that wanted to birth itself through the etched vessel that is me.

I had no idea if anyone would even "like" the book that came through me because it was so... radical. With ruthless honesty, I revealed our most intimate struggles. It wasn't a flattering work, but I knew I had to do it, even to help one person by sharing our story.

But when applause happens, it's nice. It is. This means that someone found the creation to be useful, and it is good to feel useful within the human hive. It's just a human thing.

​So thank you! I am honored and grateful that Heart Medicine recently won the National Indie Excellence Award for the Spiritual category, and it was the top finalist for the Addiction Recovery category. It was also a finalist in the Next Generation Indie Book Awards for the New Age category, and received an honorable mention in the San Francisco Book Festival. Yay! 

And I gotta add, it was truly a tribal process to birth the book. I couldn't have done it without the blessing of Moughenda Mikala, the generous and skilled shaman we worked with, and my beloved husband, Chor Boogie aka Joaquin Lamar Hailey, for his courage to be so transparent, steady support for this project, and beautiful ART, the multifaceted maestra Anandha Ray for the book cover design, author photo, and love, Mark Weiman of Regent Press for his wonderful production skill, and all the magical ones who contributed quotes!

Dancing for people is all well & good, but don't forget to dance for the many other honored guests... the sun, moon, the sacred plants, the spirit of water, fire, earth, air... the ancestors... the many nature spirits... nagas, yakshinis...

Temple dancers, offer the these secret performances, and venture ever deeper into what it means to be a sacred vessel.

Love, e.


Photo by the maestra & women's empowerment coach Robin Clark.

I LOVE beings. Beautiful radiant crazy wild devoted dangerous strong weak beings.

I see the divinity in ordinary humans. They glow… with subtle halos. I am filled with awe daily. I marvel... How does it all happen? How do these beings come to exist? What a show!

...Somehow I am able to navigate my mundane tasks while existing in this dumb-struck state of awe.

Feminine beings catapult me into a special flavor of awe. Women & the Female-in-spirit. The dreamers of creation. Their feminine power effortlessly clears my mind and softens my heart. Women, rooted to the earth while synced to the sky via lunar cycles. The mothers. The Grandmothers. Women seem to float a few inches above the ground.

I am a Goddess-worshipper. Something about the feminine face of God sparks my heart. It's not about which gender is better. It's just a profound, inexplicable, destined affinity. Perhaps it's just my place in the cosmic mandala of devotees. There is balance in all things.

So, as I make my way through city streets, subway trains, errands, anywhere in the rat race really, I hold back from offering spontaneous puja rituals in wild devotion. Spontaneous puja is not really a social norm - yet. Instead, I just offer a few words, still loaded with adoration, but ones that likely won't freak them out.

Then I channel this impulse into "performance art," because people seem more likely to tolerate the breaking of social norms when there is a stage and costumes.

“Our relationships with one another are like a chance meeting of two strangers in a parking lot. They look at each other and smile. That is all there is between them. They leave and never see each other again. That is what life is – just a moment, a passing, and then it is gone.

If you understand this, there is no time to fight. There is no time to argue. There is no time to hurt one another. 

Whether you think about it in terms of humanity, nations, communities, or individuals, there is no time for anything less than truly appreciating the brief interaction we have with one another.

… Time is very precious. Do not wait until you are dying to understand your spiritual nature. If you do it now you will discover resources of kindness and compassion you didn’t know you had.”


H.E. Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche
Life in Relation to Death