 Recently, we were invited to share a talk at Burning Man in the EntheoGeneration Dome. We offered these inspired highlights we have gathered over the last six years with regards to healing with iboga & plant medicine...  🌿 1. It takes a village. We need to build new/old tribal structures in this part of the world to hold the preparation & integration of medicine ceremonies. We need healthy friends and knowledgeable helping professionals to hold us accountable for our visionary “homework,” support us on tough days, and connect with us at nourishing social gatherings. 2. Medicine work is not easy, nor is it a “magic pill.” It IS profound, fully alive, & connected to nature. It is about “meeting the medicine halfway” through humble daily practice. Let us come as devotees and students rather than passive consumers. Medicine doesn’t make anybody perfect, but it can help us with our infinite growth and clear intentions. 3. Ceremonially & sustainably harvested medicine from the hands of friends is a precious, priceless gift. According to my experience and traditional understanding, it carries a very special frequency. 4. The indigenous communities that we know would like to be a part of the global conversation. They have much to offer from ancient ways of knowing. The world over, our indigenous communities are facing immense challenges now such as environmental damage, cultural erosion due to industrial expansion, and economic disparity. May we support as a global tribe. Much LOVE & thanks to our Foamie Homies from the "Foam Home" who made our talk possible, including support for an interactive mural with CHOR BOOGIE & thousands of Burners!   ART by CHOR BOOGIE As "micro-dosing" is becoming a trendy topic, I frequently receive messages like this.... "I want to start micro-dosing iboga (or ibogaine)! I've done my share of LSD / DMT / ayahuasca etc. etc., so it won't be too much of a stretch for me to do this... I am sure I can acquire some online. Can you just tell me the dose? Please advise." And this is my response, every time... Unfortunately, I cannot give you a simple answer to the question of micro-dosing these particular medicines. Iboga and Ibogaine are generally the most medically tricky of all common entheogens. They can also be the most dangerous when someone doesn't know what they are doing. In my 5+ years of experience, supporting many ceremonies and talking with many people, I know that individuals can have a very broad range of responses to iboga and ibogaine. The medicine can be unpredictable. What might be a light microdose for one person can send someone else into a full blown destabilizing psychedelic journey with physical tremors severe enough to cause falls, fainting, and dangerous cardiac arrhythmias. I have seen big adults occasionally pass out cold from a small bit of root bark, being saved from a serious head injury only by the swift and strong grip of assistants supporting ceremony. The organic, total alkaloid form of the medicine can vary in potency and it is not dosed according to body weight, though people assume otherwise when they try to glean general dosage recommendations from online forums. Traditionally, dosing is done by careful observations of specific, subtle physical and mental changes, and it is an art that requires training and practice. I have seen some people nearly aspirate from intense purging, even on light doses of iboga. I have seen others, especially in drug detox situations, go into the confusional or delusional state and become highly irrational or destabilized enough to try and wander away—until they require medical intervention. Then there are the potentially fatal cardiac issues that can occur when someone has not been properly screened by a medical professional. A myriad of medication contraindications exist, some of which prolong the QT interval in cardiac function; those would make a risky recipe when combined even with "micro-doses" of iboga and ibogaine. I cannot imagine working with iboga or ibogaine for the first few times—alone—or with people who don't really know these medicines. To work with iboga or ibogaine in a safe(r) way, even for "micro-doses," this will require getting an EKG/ECG, liver panel, other medical tests, skillful psychiatric screening, and THEN having those tests evaluated by a medical professional--and not just any medical professional--but one who is knowledgeable about this medicine. Even with ALL the necessary screening tests, certain cardiac or other medical issues can still sometimes slip through undetected, and it is essential to have an ACLS certified medical professional present in initial treatments to pick up on any adverse reactions promptly—and save a life if it gets critical. "But the Africans don't have medical professionals present." In the industrialized West, we have many medical conditions and pharmaceutical drugs that they don't encounter in iboga territory (for the most part). There, people have often been raised with careful micro-doses as a way of life with knowledgeable elders, and would know of any bad reactions to the medicine. There are many variables with so-called "reputable sources." Online sellers can change quality or sources in an instant. I know scientists who've tested medicine purchased online to find that it is adulterated with different cardio toxic plants or even Fentanyl, a deadly-powerful opioid. The only time a source is trustworthy is when you actually know and trust the person who harvested the medicine, hopefully sustainably and ceremonially. Do you know the name of the one who is taking these roots out of the ground and preparing it for your healing? I echo the Bwiti understanding that the medicine is sensitive to the intentions with which it is grown, harvested, prepared, and ingested. The message I receive in Bwiti ceremony is that sacred medicine loves relationships. We need genuine tribe—not masked dealers on cyber street corners. We need healthy community to help hold and integrate this work in a good way. I have seen people who work with psychedelics in isolation start to cultivate extremist and paranoid views over time. Though trauma survivors often tend to isolate, there is a reason why these medicines have been held in communal structures since the beginning. Anyone determined to risk consuming an unknown online source should have the substance laboratory tested by a knowledgeable scientist or medical professional. Online sources also risk being from an elephant poacher, because elephant poachers have been associated with some iboga sales. More, just as important as the material substance is the WAY in which we receive it. This view reflects a deeper philosophy that traditional medicine ways have held for eons. This is very foreign to our current passive consumer model, in which we focus strictly on "taking the substance" without attending to a more holistic model of care in which the medicinal material is but one facet. I encourage people working with sacred medicines to become active participants and students. Micro-dosing as we know it is a traditional way of studying the medicine, and I have come to have deep respect for the body of knowledge and navigation tools from the traditional Bwiti and Bobongo people who have studied this complex medicine for eons. Iboga is a unique and multi-faceted medicine. It is capable of many things. Iboga is rocket fuel, and it's good to know how to fly the ship, and, of course, know exactly where you are going. Even having "plenty of experience" with other medicines does not qualify someone to safely navigate iboga or ibogaine for one's self or others. Likewise, I have experienced strong ceremonial doses of ayahuasca, peyote, huachuma (San Pedro), different kinds of DMT, and sacred mushroom (all at select times, with plenty of integration between!). Yet, nothing could have prepared me for iboga. To me, it is the "brain surgeon" of medicines. What my indigenous Bwiti relations, ibogaine medical experts, and my own soul tells me: I cannot support ibogaine micro-dose protocols for a person--until they have experienced this medicine under qualified supervision such as through a Bwiti ceremony or a reputable ibogaine clinic—so one can begin to understand their unique response, tolerance, and relationship to the medicine in a safe setting. Sometimes people who are eager for healing will risk their life and jump in without enough information. This is unfortunate. I'm all for DIY everything whenever possible, but this is a different situation. Sure, some people may have had relatively positive experiences with micro-dosing from dark web material on their own. They are LUCKY. That's a roulette wheel. I hear about iboga and ibogaine deaths regularly when people are unwittingly creating risky situations or when they don't really know their source. Even healthy people have had fatalities. And these tragedies are preventable. There are much safer medicines to micro-dose with--where it is legal, of course. Traditional iboga retreats and ibogaine treatments with medical screening and support are indeed expensive. The accommodations, specialized medical screening & support, 24/7 care, retreat chefs, patient services, and good sourcing are all very expensive. Often dedicated providers are not profiting much or at all, even when a retreat costs thousands. So yes, it's expensive, but your life is worth it. A good experience is worth saving or fundraising for. If someone is urgently in need of drug detox, there are actually several other natural ways one can safely and gently wean down with qualified support until iboga or ibogaine becomes accessible. I'll be writing a post on natural detox options soon. Stay tuned. Yes, there is another BIG discussion to be had here about privilege and access to the medicine, and I look forward to exploring those topics more. I want to see a future where all these medicines are sustainably cultivated and equally accessible to all. I do not mean to be negative here... I would love to support people in having a safe and beneficial experience with medicine! All this may sound scary, and hopefully it is scary enough from preventing anyone from making a dangerous decision that could not only risk their life but also further compromise the reputation of this sacred medicine, the safety of good providers, and the safe access for others in need. We are in a delicate global learning curve here, and it is a delicate time to create lasting social change. When in qualified hands, this medicine can be healthy, miraculous, and life-changing. No one can guarantee 100% safety, as there are always risks--to everything, but the risks can be profoundly mitigated. What I CAN advise is this... Attend to a sacred altar. Call in the Spirit of the medicine. Ask for help. Do your due diligence. Build relationships with medicine community & qualified providers. Be of service. Be willing to offer of your Self as much as you ask. Pray for guidance. And then... listen, watch, and wait for that guidance.  Honoring the sacred root in the Motherland. Photo by CHOR BOOGIE This page is for informational and harm reduction purposes only. This page is NOT intended as professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment recommendation. Please always seek appropriate medical and psychiatric care for your conditions—from qualified providers that respect your personal choices for healthcare. Happy BELLY = Happy MIND! Meet Caitlin Thompson, creator of SUPER probiotics & good-mood supplements5/30/2019
 I was super excited to interview Caitlin Thompson, founder of EntheoZen supplements. This powerhouse genius lady is one of my favorite neuroscience and microbiome geeks! She makes FANTASTIC probiotic, mood support, & "party recovery" supplements. I personally tested her products and found them to be 110% AMAZING, otherwise I wouldn't be sharing this! It's difficult to do a review for a probiotic without getting... well... um... graphic. However, I will keep it simple and say that with Caitlin's ZenBiotic, I could feel my whole digestive system working like never before. I felt energized, "light," and like I shed layers of old karma whenever I went to the bathroom. ;) Her mood support supplement, TransZen, is a blend of B-vitamins, superfoods, and botanicals that help support a calm, focused, nourished mind. This is a wonderful natural nootropic (cognitive performance supplement) as well. Put down that Adderall already, kids! Because... The frequency with which we are "productive" is just as important as the product itself. And Caitlin helps us to create a frequency of wisdom, balance, and joy. I have been blown away by Caitlin's presentations at various psychedelic medicine conferences and events... Her personal story of healing from anxiety and depression is so resonant for many of us these days. Catch her events if you can! Caitlin is also a seasoned Kambo medicine practitioner. Learn about that beautiful natural medicine from the Amazon in our next segment!  In this interview, you will learn: - Caitlin's personal healing journey that inspired her to make (great) supplements for mood & gut health, even in a saturated supplement market. - The ancient yet cutting-edge biotechnology that make her ZenBiotic probiotics and TransZen mood support supplements so awesome! - Some of the dubious practices to WATCH OUT for that some probiotic companies do in order to make cheaper products. Don't be fooled! They can lead to the unhealthy overgrowth of some strains of bacteria. Use the coupon code "Save15" to RECEIVE 15% OFF on EntheoZen supplements directly at ENTHEOZEN.COM OR SHOP ON AMAZON  Supporting our healthy gut microbiome and mood with quality supplements are important ways that we can both prepare for entheogenic (psychedelic) medicines and integrate the profound work afterward. In my experience, the sacred medicines help us to see the profound preciousness of life, and they give us the spiritual motivation to honor and nurture ourselves. Are you curious about psychedelic medicine & integration coaching? We can explore... • General information about sacred (psychedelic) medicines • Risk reduction strategies • How to choose the right medicine and the right provider for you • Sacred medicine preparation & integration • Addiction recovery with sacred medicine • Creating your sacred medicine-informed visionary life • Microdosing education  Art by Danny Starr Congratulations Denver! You did it! Initiative 301 passed by just about 1% in the late voting hours. (Apparently the psychedelic people are not in a hurry!) This will allow for personal adult use of sacred psychedelic mushrooms. "It's going to the be the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!" I joked with a more conservative democrat family member who lives in Denver. "They're going to be jumping off buildings any minute!" I was humorously paying homage to the notorious "Reefer Madness" propaganda campaign, which fueled the early drug war and demonized cannabis medicine with misinformation. This campaign was intentionally crafted for political reasons: controlling the political dissidents and people of color. "Reefer Madness" stood in contradiction to multiple studies commissioned at the time which said that cannabis was not only safe, but had the potential for medical uses.  Incredible research has been emerging lately demonstrating the therapeutic effects of psychedelic medicines and microdosing, yet these are powerful forces that come with risks. One person posted online: I am so concerned about people misusing and abusing these medicines! I understood her concern, and yet, criminalizing a substance NEVER stops people from misusing and abusing anything. HOWEVER, decriminalizing a substance creates the opposite; it brings the light of more education, creates space for the study of harm reduction strategies, lifts stigma, and cultivates authentic communities to hold the medicines in a good way, as tribes have done since the dawn of time. Certainly there may be a bit of an adjustment period, but it is a good overall trajectory. For example, we will have more local support & education groups like the Psychedelic Society of San Francisco and virtual programs like the cutting edge School of SOMA that is currently in development, a platform for online education teaching people how to grow their own sacred mushrooms, safely navigate the experience, and integrate the experience to benefit daily life and relationships. Visit the School of SOMA WEBSITE & subscribe to their email list to be the first to know about their launch! Portugal gives us a longterm view of what happens with drug decriminalization, and it is certainly NOT the zombie apocalypse... Since Portugal enacted drug decriminalization in 2001, the number of people voluntarily entering treatment has increased significantly, overdose deaths and HIV infections among people who use drugs have plummeted, incarceration for drug-related offenses has decreased, and rates of problematic and adolescent drug use has fallen.  Are you curious about psychedelic medicine & integration coaching? We can explore... • General information about sacred (psychedelic) medicines • Risk reduction strategies • How to choose the right medicine and the right provider for you • Sacred medicine preparation & integration • Addiction recovery with sacred medicine • Creating your sacred medicine-informed visionary life • Microdosing education  Ana Holub is a goddess of forgiveness. At least that's how I like to describe her. And forgiveness is not always an easy task. The real thing flows from a source much deeper than the intellect. Some of us carry around resentments for years as it slowly eats away at our health or our heart, not knowing really HOW to let that sh*t go. Ana is a skilled and compassionate guide into the mysterious and elusive art of that true, embodied, beyond-the-mind kind of forgiveness. I first met Ana at the Global Ibogaine Therapy Conference... and was instantly struck at the depth of her presence and the courage of her openness in sharing her story. She is sensitive to the element of forgiveness within the sacred medicine integration process. Ana has been through immeasurable hardship and loss, and yet she emanates love and kindness. I sense authentic unconditional love when I look in her eyes. Simply sitting with her is profound medicine. LEARN MORE about her course below: Forgive & Be Free of Your Addictions. My husband, artist Chor Boogie, and I have an interview included in lesson 7 in Ana's course. Forgiveness was a big part of our journey integrating sacred medicine work. I hope you enjoy this interview with Ana as much as I did... ABOUT ANA HOLUB & CLEAR PATH TO PEACE Ana Holub, MA, teaches forgiveness and recovery from addiction as a counselor, author, poet and educator. She holds a BA in Peace Studies and an MA in Dispute Resolution from Pepperdine University School of Law. As an expert in the field of forgiveness and reconciliation, Ana was honored as a Champion of Forgiveness by the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance (2018). She is a frequent speaker on the essential role of forgiveness in various settings, including the use of entheogens for inner healing and deep spiritual liberation. Ana works with individuals, couples, at-risk families, hospice patients, non-profits, businesses, and schools. Her mission includes work with inmates in prison (San Quentin) and with juvenile offenders. She has provided restorative justice, poetry, and peace education to incarcerated people since 2002. Ana teaches workshops internationally on forgiveness, emotional healing and recovery from addictions. Her books include Forgive and Be Free and The Edges Are Friendly. She has also created four online courses, including Forgive and Be Free of Your Addictions. Find out more at www.anaholub.com.  What inspired you to do this work with forgiveness? Ever since I was a child, I wondered why there was so much conflict in my home, in my neighborhood, in my world and in my own heart. I studied Conflict Resolution and became a mediator, but I wanted to go deeper. When I found out about Radical Forgiveness, I studied with Colin Tipping and became certified in his work. Then I became immersed in A Course in Miracles, and this spiritual teaching really changed my life. In addition, my mother's suicide had a huge impact on me (that story is in my book, Forgive and Be Free). I needed a way to release my pain from that as well as other hardships, and I eventually began to see all events as radical forgiveness opportunities. At the deepest level, I'm inspired to do this work because I just want to be free, and I want everyone to be free. How is forgiveness related to addiction recovery, from your perspective? Addiction is one of the ways we can feel helplessly stuck in a harmful rut, and the expanded version of forgiveness that I teach is the best way I know of unwind on the inside, to release our suffering and return to the truth of our inner nature, which is Love. Almost everyone suffers from some kind of addiction - either subtle or obvious. We just want some relief from painful memories and the distress of inner and outer conflicts, and that's what forgiveness brings - with no negative side effects. This kind of forgiveness is a soul-level laying down of burdens, karma, and false illusions about ourselves and the world. When we let go in this way, we make room for the best "high" there is - direct access to the divine light of our Being. Forgiveness may seem like an impossible task for people who've been subjected to intense trauma. What would you say to someone who feels this way? I never encourage anyone to forgive too early because I know it took me a while to get close to the idea. Everyone has their own perfect timing. When we're ready to let go, then the grace and ease of the release is the best medicine there is. It doesn't seem to matter whether the situation was a minor one or an intensely violent one. Forgiveness is never impossible. Some of the most inspiring people are those who have been able to let go of what seems like overwhelming abuse and the assault of war. Take a look at the work of Immaculée Ilibagiza, who wrote Left to Tell about her experience in Rwanda, and Carmen Blandin Tarleton, who is a co-recipient with me of an award this year from the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance. Their stories are truly life changing. How do we move beyond intellectual forgiveness to complete forgiveness in mind, body, and spirit? Aaah, the ultimate question. Some people tell me, "Oh yes, I've forgiven already," or "Yeah, my mother/brother/ex-spouse/someone-else-besides-me really needs to learn to forgive!" But the truth is, true forgiveness is an art form available for everyone, and it involves becoming free from every mental limitation and every painful memory. I've been doing this for years, and I still have layers bubbling up from my past to be healed. Even if I was done, there is still plenty of global forgiving to do. Letting go is NOT an intellectual thing. We have to dive into it with our tender, trusting hearts and open up our guts to the fresh air of divine healing. When we become willing, we find that it's Spirit that takes our pain and then fills us with Light. All of my work is teaching people how to do this in a simple, spacious way.  What are some of the benefits of true forgiveness? According to research studies, forgiveness leads to:
The research makes sense, because when we forgive, we give up our complaints and victim mentality. We find our sovereignty beyond the circumstances of what happened in the past - or what's happening in the present. I like to call this work Ecstatic Forgiveness, because the deep letting go of resentments and hurts takes us through a mystical doorway. On the other side is the "peace that passes understanding." And it's available, for free, to everyone. LEARN MORE AT ANAHOLUB.COM CONNECT WITH ANA ON FACEBOOK CHECK OUT THE COURSE: FORGIVE & BE FREE OF YOUR ADDICTIONS  How do we honor the opportunity of working with sacred medicine? Let us not only ask what the medicine can do for us, but what we can do for the medicine. I was blessed to dive deep into this loaded conversation with Paul Austin of the The Third Wave podcast. We touch on the importance of personal and cultural integration—and what that can look like, including the controversial movement into "mainstreaming" and medicalization. CLICK HERE to listen. LOVE & Gratitude, e. bast  Dear One, Blessings & LOVE from the beautiful land of Canada! I must confess, it was terrifying at first to face 500 people and speak. This was the biggest crowd I'd addressed so far—at Spirit Plant Medicine Conference in Vancouver. I was deeply honored to have received a grant from the Cosmic Sister organization to present there, and I wanted to do my best. I felt butterflies in my tummy for days! I knew... I would have to receive support from beyond little me... I prayed daily—asking Creator, the plant spirits, ancestors, spiritual allies, and our Bwiti community in Africa for help. Would I be able to be a conduit for a clear message? Some small part of me wondered if I would get up there and freeze. There was only one way to find out! As I looked out into the packed audience, my pounding heart was inspired by looking into the faces of my husband, my family, our beloved community from the Ibogasoul plant medicine healing retreat center, our good friend Trevor Millar Chair of MAPS Canada, Zoe Helene founder of Cosmic Sister and her partner Chris Kilham of Medicine Hunter, the whole radiant tribe from the Cosmic Sister organization, and beautiful new friends in Canada. Our Bwiti community in Africa had offered to create a ceremony at the exact moment I spoke, on the other side of the world to help support people learning about iboga & the Bwiti. I felt such gratitude for their work and energetic support. Cheers to the creative and sometimes terrifying journey of service! We can all face our fears and grow through them... especially when we ask for a little help from our friends—and divine allies. & help to support the fine work of the Spirit Plant Medicine Conference!   Art credit: For the Love of Life by CHOR BOOGIE We have all been there, at one point or another, facing the dark night of the soul. It hurts beyond words. We want to escape, medicate, fight. We just want it to stop—asap. Sometimes we are so busy trying to conquer difficult states like anxiety or depression or addiction, we never stop to ask why it came in the first place. We can become curious... These states are trying to tell us something about ourselves & the world... And their true message may be found under all the resentments, fears, attachments, conditioning & well-worn stories. When we listen, we may find the true need that exists under the "want." These states may offer a heart-centered call to action. We may be asked by Spirit to create, connect, express, heal, transform, or serve. Perhaps there is a call to create a work of art, a poem, or a community service program. Perhaps there is a call to work with a healer, go on a retreat, change habits, or experience plant medicine. Or perhaps the call is for silence, rest, and self care. Only you know. “Listening” to these difficult states does not mean indulging or prolonging them, it just means paying attention & responding with compassionate skill. Indeed, truly listening to them may be just what is needed to midwife them through transformation. Here are a few favorite ways to inquire into difficult states and "mine the shadows." Cheers to the eternal unfolding, dear ones. 10 WAYS TO TURN PAIN INTO PEARLS1. WRITE. Journal. Free flow a stream of raw words at hyperspeed. No editing. No censorship. Express recklessly. Write clear or cryptic, literal or poetic, linear or time traveling. Your choice. Super charge this one by timing yourself: 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. GO. 2. GIVE IT A VOICE. Literally. What does the difficult state have to say? Talk. Sing. Grumble. Growl. Scream. Speak in tongues. It can be words—or primal sounds. Get weird. Do this alone—or ask a friend to witness. Hot tip: Smash your face in a pillow if you don't want neighbors to call the police. ;) 3. MOVE. Walk. Run. Dance. Shake like a wolf in a rain storm. Flee from dangerous spaces into safe ones. Or turn up the music and let your body create an untamed poem. 4. MEDITATE. Go inward. Just sit, pay attention, and breath. You can't do meditation "wrong" or "bad." It's not about accomplishment, though the contemporary Western mind loves to approach everything that way. Meditation is simply a way to explore, enjoy, & listen to your Self... and UNIVERSE/SPIRIT/CREATOR... and savor all flavors of existence along the way. 5. NATURE. Take a hike. Hug a tree. Talk to stars. Whisper to the moon. Touch a river. Dig your hands into the earth. Pull weeds. Plant a seed. Rake leaves. Stop and smell the roses. Listen to birds; they have a lot to say. 6. TAKE A BATH. Let that hot water slow you down and bring you into the present via your senses. Make it a ritual. Light a candle. Bless the space with a sacred aromatic like sage or cedar. Power up the water with a few drops of pure essential oils. Epsom salt and sea salt help to deepen the experience, draw out toxins, and saturate you with magnesium, a fantastic mineral that calms the nervous system and supports many healthy functions. Get ready for inspired downloads and epiphanies. 7. GIVE IT A NAME. Ever heard that old adage? When you know a demon's name, you have power over it. So get to know that anxiety, depression, addiction, or any other difficult state, and give it a catchy name. Naming it helps you to detach, observe, study it, and recognize it as a temporary pattern you've picked up—and not necessarily a fundamental part of yourself. In other words, these difficult states are just like fleas on your skin; they are not your bones or blood. 8. SWEAT. Any sweat will do. Japanese bathhouse, sweat lodge, or laying in warm sun on a beach. Move that fluid. 9. LEARN. Books. Courses. Retreats. Podcasts. Mentors. Workshops. Counselors. Hone in on those resources that speak to your need. 10. CONNECT. Community. Fellowship. Touch. Hugs. Trusted confidents. Support groups. Burningman camps. Spiritual organizations. Educational societies. You know, connect with real friends, the kind who will help you move and bring you soup when you're sick. If you don't have those kinds of friends, then BE one of those. Experiment. Notice if your difficult state softens or changes after a few of these. + BONUS TIP! 11. SERVE. Help others get through the same challenge. ...But only when you can speak from some experience. In essence, don't try to feed others when you're still starving. The possibilities are endless. Though everything in life may not always feel like "a blessing," we can make blessings out of whatever life throws our way. All these tips aside, some difficult states may be too difficult for DIY answers, especially when trauma is a part of the story. If you ever feel that you might need additional support, reach out to a qualified mental health professional. NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS HOTLINE Text: 741741 in the US NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE 1-800-273-8255 This page is for informational and harm reduction purposes only. This page is NOT intended as professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment recommendation. Please always seek appropriate medical and psychiatric care for your conditions—from qualified providers that respect your personal choices for healthcare.  A friend said to me recently: "Do you know about Carré Otis Sutton? She's doing amazing work." Then another friend. And another. OK, Universe, I am listening... I looked her up online and found that I recognized her iconic face from her career as a "supermodel." Then I read a powerful article featuring her story and current work raising awareness about eating disorders, sexual abuse, domestic violence, women's empowerment, and ethical standards in the modeling & entertainment industry. She exposes the dark cracks in the glamorous facade of the fashion world that so many young women dream about. She tells the truth about the toll on her body. Carré ultimately pursued a path of healing, joy, and spiritual discipline with a fierce dedication, leading her to find true inner beauty and all that really matters most in life. And she put it all into a profound, intimate, and courageous memoir, which enchanted me from beginning to end. I love how Medicine-Spirit-Dharma is working through her to help heal our society's relationship with beauty. I was delighted to have the opportunity to ask Carré some powerful questions, and I hope you enjoy her transmission as much as I did... PLEASE SHARE as inspired! You've written a powerful and very intimate memoir, Beauty Disrupted, about your personal journey from disempowerment to empowerment, trauma to healing, and silence to finding your voice. You openly share about surviving anorexia, sexual abuse, domestic violence, and exploitative work in the (often glamorized) modeling industry. The authenticity and vulnerability in your story was so striking. It clearly took great courage to reveal so much. How did you come to receive the calling to write the memoir? And what kinds of difficulties or challenges did you encounter along the way? The calling was loud and clear. It was actually unavoidable. There was a moment that all of the voices telling me I needed to SHARE were everywhere. Subtle and not so subtle. I began to tune in to the cultural norm of women, societal expectations... both within my industry and without. I began to see the pervasiveness of abuse and objectification that I had grown up with and become so accustomed to. There was this common thread of avoidance and sugar coating and minimizing predatory and abusive behavior. Having been deeply submerged in an industry for decades that does just this—while normalizing these dysfunctional behaviors, it was already well on my radar. Becoming a mother… a mother to daughters, was a game changer. I awakened to a deep sense of responsibility. I understood quite clearly and literally that my mission was to be a voice, use my platform and be an advocate for change. All of these pieces were a perfect storm to ornament me with the courage to step out and into the voice and message I maintain today. In the earlier part of my life, I subscribed to being a "victim" of the patriarchy that defines and dictates many women's stories. It was the belief system I had grown up in, without questioning its validity as it pertained to defining MY Story. This construct really shattered in its entirety when I stumbled across my ex-husband being interviewed by Barbara Walters. As he again recounted his version of our time together, it became crystal clear that it was time for my story to come forth. I am so grateful for the spiritual foundation I had under my belt. The many years of practice and discipline. The steps I had taken to fortify my relationships with family and friends. From Tibetan Buddhism to the shamanic path, I had a team of angels to guide and protect me. But that didn’t make the lifting easy or light. There were many tests. Obstacles. Wrath. Scorn. I really saw every shade of the human response towards me being a woman with a voice. It was as if there was some silent unspoken contract I had signed when I came into this body that I would be the KEEPER of secrets and sorrows. And I really had to consciously rescind that. A well behaved woman never makes history. I can relate. I am not well behaved. And proud of it.  Image from Carre's TedX talk. LINK BELOW. Would you say that telling our personal stories can be healing for the collective? How so? Absolutely! I truly believe that as we step up and do our part and participate, whether its finding our voices, telling our stories, or healing ourselves through therapies, we contribute to healing the Global Archetype. We are part of a collective. Together we rise. Together we can also fall. Its really time to rise. Other women's stories have given me so much courage and inspiration. We are safer in numbers. I encourage women to share their stories. Its cathartic. Its empowering. It also can take the "charge" out of the wounds. One thing I am ever cautious about, however, is that I have been very clear that I am not my story. My evolution and place on this planet at this time has been informed by my experiences, but I am so much more than my story… I am not a victim, but a survivor. I am careful with what I identify with. Without the work I have done I could easily identify with the violence I have experienced, or the betrayals… and on and on. I chose to not be defined by these experiences but to be empowered and it does enable me to relate to so many on their own journeys.  Photo by Bill Curry featuring Carre with Robert Mirabal, Taos Pueblo flutist Your story offers great perspective for women who many be suffering from emotional abuse and domestic violence, as we get to walk in your shoes over the course of many years and a lot of personal healing. This can be illuminating for those women who may recognize the same abusive patterns in their relationships & who may not see a way out when they are in the thick of it. What advice would you offer to any women out there who realize that they may need to get away from an abusive relationship? Ah…. I recall the day that I truly felt immobilized. Paralyzed by fear. I could not fathom or dare to imagine the path forward. There didn’t seem to be any way out of my situation, which really is a text book feeling when one is in an ongoing abusive violent situation/relationship. I look back and can see that there were angels that graced me. There were women that came and spoke with me. Not with an agenda or objective, but to share their own stories of struggle, abuse and then freedom. One such angel was Ally McGraw, the wonderful and talented model, actress, author, and yogini. She had been married to Steve McQueen, the beautiful and dangerous rebel actor. Their situation was so similar to me and my then husband. She took the time to visit with me when I was deep in my despair. I couldn’t imagine at that time that I could be free like she was: accomplished, strong, and solo. She represented a female archetype that I had yet to have modeled in my life. I was awe struck. Of course it wasn’t anything instant but she planted a seed of possibility for me. One that I hadn’t ever considered: what would my life look like if I were to stand on my own, in my power, in my glory and grace and confidence? What would life look like if I lived and operated from my heart? A whole, healed heart. It takes a village. It takes a tribe. It takes sisters and aunts and mothers and grandmothers. I had to learn to reach out and take the hand that was extended to me. I had to learn to ask for help. These were basic principles foreign to me but truly the movement and freedom in my life has come by way of support from others. In the beginning, in preparing and making a plan of exit from my abusive husband, I sought therapy. I had to focus on myself, my goals, and a cohesive plan of departure. It was a terrifying time but with the support from my "team," I was able to make my exit.  What kinds of spiritual practices or healing modalities were a part of your healing journey? I relied heavily on yoga and my meditation practice. My connection to the Dharma and Buddhism played a big part in my healing. It was a time for me to slow down and really allow myself to notice, to feel everything that was coming up. Nature has always played a big part in my mental health and feeling heart centered. Long walks in the mountains and on the beaches of Southern California were true medicine for my soul. How has your relationship with food and nourishment changed? Food today is nourishment. Its fuel. When I was recovering, not recovered, I had a very fractured and frightened relationship with food as well with my body. Today I am grateful. I am turning 50. I take nourishment very seriously. From food for my body to the nourishment of my soul, my spirit. I live in balance and harmony with food and nourishment, and I try to model this with and for my daughters who are 10 and 11.  In your story, you speak openly about a very taboo subject: faking orgasms. Where do you feel that this phenomenon of faking arises from? How can we heal it? Why is it so important for women to be completely authentic in our sensual intimacy? I believe and have experienced first hand that often our identity and sense of "self" is intertwined in our sexuality. Like a job: who are you beyond what you do? Our one reference point for "self" is this human body, and often times our identity is also wrapped up in it. Why? Because unless one is on a spiritual path, one doesn’t tend to dig deeper. It’s a big question… Who am I? It can be an uncomfortable question. For me, being the performer and faking my way as this wild completely aroused woman was a persona that conveniently kept me away from experiencing true intimacy. It was a creation by my own design, but also one that I believe was placed upon me through societal expectations. Lets face it, modeling is performance art. Sex sells. The more that I could build up that character, the more I was sought after. The irony of it! It took me a long time to even ask myself… "What do I like? What do I dislike? What feels good?” It wasn’t until after a five year vow of celibacy and diving deep into my own healing that I was able to arrive at a place where I was ready to name what it was I wanted as well as ask for those conditions in a relationship. And that is now where I am… with my husband of 13 years and 2 daughters. For me, the "faking orgasm" was also wrapped up in my conditioning to serve others and to perform. There was a mistaken view that another's pleasure and arousal was more important than my own. There was also a big disconnect for me when in a situation that I could potentially feel vulnerable. There was fear in feeling vulnerable. I hadn’t yet tasted the sensuality of it. The magic of it. The potency of being in that open place. Granted, certain conditions need to be in place to feel safe in our vulnerability. Like a safe lover, a safe physical place, and trust. These were not qualities I had previously asked for nor cultivated in relationship. I truly believe we magnetize exactly where we are at. If we are in the wounded archetype, thats what plays out. When we are in the sacred feminine, empowered in our divinity, this too is what we magnetize.  You are a mother of two girls now. How do you help them to have the healthy boundaries that you didn't have as a young person? Its amazing to me that I spent the majority of my life, all the way through my mid thirties, just learning how to say NO. I had never been empowered to use that word. I didn’t receive that initiation in my early years. Had I known that I could say no, defend myself, question, tap into my intuition to navigate which road to take, life would have been very different. Just simple body awareness, that my body is mine, was never instilled in me. My body was for others. From childhood through my career as a model. I was very disconnected and disempowered. With my daughters I have had such an amazing opportunity to empower them with all that was not uploaded to me. They are aware that their bodies are theirs. If something doesn’t feel right, they get to speak up. I actually remind them that they will be their own most fierce protectors, but they must exercise that muscle. Because it is a muscle that gets stronger the more we use it. In my family, we speak about food being fuel. We never speak about "diets" or shame other humans shapes or sizes or ethnicities. I actually make it a point to celebrate diversity in our household. We speak about different cultures whose values go beyond a Western aesthetic and celebrate aspects of strength, courage, and wisdom. I think we own every Strong and Courageous women's story book that there is to own. My daughters have grown up with conversations about the sacred feminine. They have grown up around Tibetan Buddhism and the strong women and mentors and surrogate mothers that I have had in my life. They have been part of sacred ritual around full and new moons as well as ways of our indigenous brothers and sisters. I am extremely grateful to have such a strong spiritual family in our lives. And, of course, these young women will find their own rhythm and ways. But it has felt truly important to have had them supported in the magical fabric that is our family life.  How as a society can we help young women have a healthy body image? I believe that we do need to address what has become the norm within media. The massive subversive messaging that we all receive from TV, movies, commercials, video games, internet, music… it's impactful. An impossible, inhuman standard has been perpetuated within our culture, and quite frankly, it's reckless. Its negligent. Its abusive. It desensitizes us, as is the goal I believe. Coming from the entertainment Industry, I see the premature sexualization of our youth, the normalizing through advertisements of a rape culture, a violent culture. If you can consider that our average young male is receiving their first sexual encounter via internet exposure, porn, or video games—no wonder our statistics of rape has skyrocketed. Look at those images. Look at what messages are being perpetuated. The change will take a big force, but there is headway after the #MeToo movement has unfurled. I am working with Model Alliance and change is under way from legislation to protect entertainment industry workers from sexual harassment. Programs like RESPECT will hold industry accountable and require healthier standards for our workforce. But as it boils down, the discussion we can have amongst ourselves is so important. Part of empowering our young women and men is to demystify the images that they receive from media. I have a program where I walk through what actually takes place to create images in magazines, from airbrushing, lighting, photoshop, makeup, hair, clothes… etc. Essentially these images are extremely doctored. I also believe in the power of discussion. Intention. Celebrating diversity. Noticing when covers of magazines just pick apart the women and men on their covers. Also noticing how as women we are engaging in this dialogue as well. When are we criticizing and judging? From bodies to clothes to color? We all do it. How can we bring mindfulness into our conversations and consciously celebrate diversity and humanity? It feels so much better to do so.  What kinds of activist work are you currently involved in these days? My work with Model Alliance. Recently I flew to State Capital Sacramento to testify before the labor commission to create stronger laws that would protect models from sexual harassment and sexual assault. I continue to educate and advocate for reform in our industry to safeguard its workers. Its appalling to me that the one industry (modeling) that employs our most vulnerable sector (youth and young adults) does not yet have laws in place to prevent sexual assault and abuse in the workplace. So far these crimes are not and have not been punishable under the law and many cases go unreported. I also am an Ambassador for the National Eating Disorder Institute and Project Heals. What are your next creative projects? I am in the process of recruiting a team to help me share my story through a documentary film. I had been on the fence as to whether the next project is a book, however after some thought, I realized that the medium of film will be the best. The Blue Lotus Foundation will be my focus over the next year, an organization which supports eating disorder prevention through educational workshops and presentations, as well as getting my business moving forward with its projects.  Photo by Bill Curry Have shamanic plant medicines and ceremonies been a part of your personal healing & development? How so? I have been a practicing Tibetan Buddhist for thirty years. My spiritual path has been my guide and savior. My connection to my teachers, the discipline from the practices I have been so blessed to receive, have shaped who I am today. Yet my path has evolved over the last decade. I have been initiated into several shamanic lineages where sacred plant medicine is part of the path. My direct work with these teachers has been a game changer, catapulting my healing and supporting even bigger growth on every level. Where I stand today, the view I have, and the freedom I have, has come through being graced with these teachings. I continue to dive deeper. Our work in these bodies will never be "done." At least mine. I am here to learn. And support others on their path of exploration. WATCH CARRE'S TEDX TALK  Mr. Boogie & I had the great pleasure of visiting the Ibogasoul retreat center for one month in Canada, where we supported one 8 day psycho-spiritual retreat and one 9 day detox retreat, both with natural iboga medicine and traditional Bwiti ceremony. Ibogasoul was founded by Mark Howard and Robyn Rock. The center features sustainably and ceremonially harvested iboga medicine, with all of the naturally occurring alkaloids present. Mark and Robyn are clearly devoted providers, doing everything possible to help guests feel comfortable, safe, and cared for. Before each medicine ceremony, with candlelight and Bwiti music filling the room, Mark offered traditional Bwiti wisdom transmissions called Fire Talks, helping people to study life, study themselves, and navigate the medicine. Mark also kept everyone cracking up and smiling while delivering the deep material. It was inspiring to witness Mark's attentive and skillful facilitation throughout each ceremony, from dusk to dawn and beyond. Ibogasoul moves between British Columbia and Nelson in Canada. Their various locations offer a beautiful, comfortable, and immaculate retreat center. We watched miracle after miracle there... Not to say that any plant medicine or ceremony is a "miracle," however the experience can be miraculous with these key elements: quality facilitation, a safe setting, pure & potent medicine, the full participation of guests, and Grace. Some people have the false notion that the iboga medicine is some kind of "magic pill" that makes everything better, when in fact it is an intense journey likened to climbing the Himalayas within. It is WORK. And the guests who came to Ibogasoul were highly intentional, present, and committed to their process. People struggling with substance addiction, depression, anxiety, and trauma all gained a new light in their eyes, clarity in their minds, and a sense of physical cleansing. Several people were successfully freed from their chains of high dose opioid dependency. Everyone stood a little straighter and prouder, yet a little gentler and more relaxed in their skin—like a green tree in the wind, looking freshly "polished" by the end of their retreat, all effects I often see with iboga. We enjoyed delicious, healthy comfort food created by the Ibogasoul chef, Rachael Anthony. She was very attentive and conscientious about each guest's unique dietary requests: gluten-free, vegan/vegetarian, dairy free, etc. When working with powerful plant medicine and spiritual ceremony, I have found that great healthy food is key! This helps to support our digestive system, the cleansing process, and the soul's delight. The house manager, Geoff, was a phenomenal host. Kind and meticulous, he kept the ship running and made sure everyone had their special needs met. I fondly nicknamed him "MacGyver" because it seemed he could fix any broken thing or resolve any urgent matter that arose. Though a gentleman in every way, he was tough and skilled, and he brought an incredible protective energy in the center. We were blessed to have Bette visiting at the same time, an established iboga provider and a living treasure of ceremony experience. She contributed many deep insights to the Fire Talks and healing divine mother energy to the aftercare.  Ibogasoul is fairly unique, being traditional Bwiti providers who also offer highly skilled medical support, available round-the-clock. This is Ibogasoul's medical director Patrick Fishley (shown above) is a seasoned critical care & intensive care registered nurse with over 700 iboga & ibogaine treatments under his belt. He has a solid understanding of the various contraindicated medical conditions, street drugs, and pharmaceutical medications. More, he is ACLS certified; this is an important medical emergency credential for all iboga & ibogaine treatments, whether detox or psycho-spiritual. With his guidance, guests can be properly prepared for their iboga treatment according to their unique medical situation. Patrick is available during the actual iboga ceremonies, and he is also available on site 24/7 for the entire retreat. Adverse events are rare with good medical screening, however if they do occur, they are more likely to occur in the 24-48 hours after initial administration of the medicine rather than in the treatment itself. It was great to see their deep commitment to qualified medical support. Patrick also happens to be one of the nicest guys you will ever meet, a true spiritual warrior with a healer's heart! Check out my interviews with Patrick about general iboga info & microdosing considerations. I was blessed to be able to support my friend Robyn Rock with the traditional Bwiti spiritual shower. The spiritual shower is a powerful cleansing ceremony. Many medicinal plants, both African & local, are carefully blessed with the unique recipient in mind. The guest is washed with the soaked aromatic plants (while wearing light clothing). The spirits of the plants and the water are activated with intentions and prayers. All of the physical senses are cleansed and awakened. The ritual supports the guest to release the past and consciously bring in the new path. It is most often included in the psycho-spiritual retreat format (vs. detox). Robyn is a true heart-centered priestess and ritual artist! I am super grateful for the spiritual shower that I received there from my Bwiti elder, Maud, who was also visiting at that time. I've never felt cleaner! The natural environment and views surrounding Ibogasoul were stunning! Several times during the retreats, guests were taken on outings to bask in the fresh air, trees, and views of the bay.
 I would gladly send my own family members to Ibogasoul. I am grateful to see such commitment, integrity, and grounded care from providers of this sacred medicine. *PLEASE NOTE: Iboga & ibogaine are illegal in the United States (sadly!). If you choose to experience these sacred medicines without legal persecution, you will have to go countries where these medicines are legal or unregulated such as Canada, Costa Rica, Mexico, or Africa. There are always various risks associated with psychoactive/entheogenic medicines, and they may not be ideal for everyone. This page is for informational and harm reduction purposes only. This page is NOT intended as professional medical advice, diagnosis, treatment recommendation, personal suggestion, or endorsement. Please always seek appropriate medical and psychiatric care for your conditions—from carefully selected and qualified providers that respect your personal choices for healthcare. |
 
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